August 2, 2010

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:30 pm by Iain

I hate how repressed/constrained/fake my brother is and how paralyzing that is for his psyche.

I hate how lonely I am here and in Iowa.

I hate how I still don’t have a job.

I hate the mindless ennui that comes with having so many plans yet managing to disappoint every single one of them.

I hate how soulless I am sometimes and how many things that I should know that I don’t.

I hate how every member of my family has recently gone through my open door unasked, looked at me, peered around my computer screen to see what I’m doing, looked back at me, and then walked out, and though that everything that they just did was unconditionally and irrevocably okay. IT’S CALLED PRIVACY OASKDJFALKSJRGOIAJSDLKFJASLDKGJAOIJFSLD

I love how, a few days ago, my parents and I finally talked through parts of their marriage that my mom has felt too powerless to articulate to her husband for the past 40 years.

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1 Comment »

  1. tkd00d said,

    “I hate the mindless ennui that comes with having so many plans yet managing to disappoint every single one of them.”

    Amen to that.

    I can also relate to that last point, although things here are still a bit tepid. Turns out that all those years I thought my dad was a selfish, uncaring asshole? Well, while my narratives may or may not have been particularly lucid it turns out that I was absolutely right, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so.


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