July 26, 2009

Narcissus’s return

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:09 pm by Iain

Sometimes I wonder, did Sartre, Camus and their fellow existentialists ever stop to think about what life would be like if the whole world followed their collective example? How would anything get done? And how would discussions ever become resolved in any meaningful way? And if they did stop to think about what life would be like, and the ramifications that it could cause, how did it feel to be so unimaginably, and so incontrovertibly brilliant?

Chuck, high-ranking corporate executive: “Based on my life experiences, which, being my life experiences are therefore what make up my worldview and therefore the entirety of existence, I believe that Mondays, not Wednesdays as is currently practiced, should be ‘Casual Day,’ due in great part to Monday being far more favorably located.”

Herb, mail-room employee: “I disagree!”

Chuck: “On what grounds?”

Herb: “Well mostly just my life experiences and therefore the fundamental fabric of existence itself.”

The room: (appreciative murmuring)

A bit of a self-serving philosophy, that existentialism.

July 23, 2009

News Roundup

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:44 pm by Iain

I’ve been thinking about writing a few more news oriented entries lately, to maybe go for that professional blogger touch, give myself some of that authentic journalistic street-cred. Unfortunately though, every time I expand from the article’s contents to the big picture, my earth-shattering, paradigm shifting climax that I have so carefully been preparing for throughout my post ends up seeming far less of a paradigm shift than it seems…well, paradigmatic.

My “journalism” ends up falling one of two ways. In the first, rather than displaying my expert use of logic and critical thinking, my inveterate elitism seems to always steal the show (with rationality playing only a supporting role). For through my current event looking glass, one can easily see my prostrate id groveling shamelessly in the hope that its ivory pretensions will soon deliver it and its master from the gibbering masses below.

As for the second, it ends up sounding like some sort of badly written empowerment guide: frenzied, pathetically optimistic, and completely devoid of any intellectual merit. Written in a cadence reminiscent of the Greeks, each sentence is rhythmically birthed into the dreariest and most self-conscious of worlds, only to find a dramatic and singular redemption in the paragraph’s resounding crescendo!

(E.G.) What’s this, young fragment, you say your crippling predilection for Hawaiian shirts has thrust you into an unrelenting depressive state with no foreseeable end? Well what would you say if I told you of your incredible and ineluctable fame as an unparalleled cultural historian founded upon an in-depth cultural and racial analysis of the annexation of Hawaii and the reception of its customs in the contiguous states that subsequently allows you to laugh in the face of your stupid, know-nothing historian friends!! How convenient that your original problem was the very thing that led to your ascendancy, ha-ha!!!

Etc, etc.

However, I am now left with the decision of how exactly to acquire any of the previously mentioned, highly coveted journalistic street-cred. Luckily, as in most things, Twitter contains the answer. Thus, be amazed, as I present to you my incredible interpretative wit…in two sentences or less! (Okay, maybe three on one or two, but those don’t count.)

Read the rest of this entry »

July 8, 2009

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:01 pm by Iain

You are now looking at (reading about?) the proud owner of a Steep-and-Cheap facilitated, student loan-funded, zero-degree sleeping bag!

Through this critical piece of camping paraphernalia, I have taken one more step towards fully becoming “that climbing/outdoors-type guy.” Independent, no-nonsense, and bristling with both muscles and hair follicles, I will soon be able to handily surmount every hardship that Mother Nature sees fit to throw at me.

Unfortunately for me, however, at the moment I only possess three of those most estimable of traits, and thus am at the mercy of Nature’s caprice. For prior to being able to grow a hearty mountain-mane, I will never truly be masculine enough to be included in the bearded pantheon of such men as Thoreau, Muir, or Sam Braband. Such men would scoff at my fruitless attempts toward pilosity.

Nevertheless, I eagerly await my deliverance from this insipid, clean-shaven existence of checked licenses and lack of respect, of doting Grandmothers and unbroken choruses of “you’ll be glad when you’re older.” It make take months, probably years, but eventually I will join the hallowed ranks of my unshaven peers.

But until then, you’ll know where to find me.

(It's my happy place)